Rumor has it that every control tower has a log of notorious incidents. Included are gaffes by controllers as well as pilots. Every week, I will try to document the collected, (mostly) true stories of the aviation world. The names and dates were changed, of course.
There are several technical ATC terms I may use, and I will happily explain them if I receive questions. Just a couple of small things:
Flight Progress Strip (or flightstrip or strip): A small slip of paper used normally to document IFR aircraft and their various routes and altitudes.
Tower: Controller talking to airplanes on runways and in the air.
Ground: Controller talking to airplanes everywhere else on the airport.
In aviation, we use the phonetic alphabet for letters, "A" is "alfa" and so on.
The airport where I work has a good mix of mostly small aircraft, business jets, and turboprops. We are among the 100 busiest airports in the US, and are located near a large metropolitan area. So with only a mile long runway, and not rated for anything weighing over 30,000 pounds, we were pretty surprised when we got a strip for a Boeing 757 arrival. Then, not too long afterward, a strip on a MD-90. Mind you, these airplanes need more runway than we can offer, and would simply destroy the asphalt overlay on our airstrip. Then we got another strip for a Heavy, TCAS equipped Duchess. Now, the criteria for a "Heavy" aircraft is that the aircraft is capable of a weight greater than 300,000 pounds. A Duchess is a light, twin-engined training aircraft. The average automobile weighs more. Someone was asleep at the switch.
One busy morning, the tower controller gets a call.
"Tower, N54321, I've got ground dialed up, but all I can hear is the tower."
"N54321, push the frequency change button."
"Tower, can you just give me taxi?"
"N321, no sir. You need to know how to work your radios before I am going to let you fly."
"I know how to work it, but it isn't working right!"
"N321, if your radio doesn't work, then that sounds like a good reason not to go flying."
Now, we can be abrasive at times, but when we are busy, we don't have time to nursemaid some guy who cannot work his radios on the ground. If we did, can you imagine the hell we'd have with this guy in the air? We have a job to do, which involves public safety. If a pilot has a genuine problem, we are happy to help, but do not take off with a known problem (like not being able to work your radios) and expect me to be sympathetic to your pathetic idiocy. Truth be told, you are not the only plane in the air, and I provide the same service to everyone.
Well, this is a sample of things to come. Please feel free to e-mail me at contollerx@gmail.com.
Happy flying.
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